I've been accused of being argumentative at times. I enjoy a good discussion, the back and forth, difference of opinions, interpretations. I'd rather call it "strong discussions" instead of arguments. Nothing personal, strictly the issues of the day, politics, music, books, etc.
This may be genetic. My father was a Polish Jew, my mother an Italian Catholic. My parents were from working-class backgrounds, and neither grew up in religious homes. Our family was not religious. Family gatherings were a blend of cultures, Jews and Italians. Judaism has been called a "culture of argument", and have never heard Italians characterized as such, but based on personal experience, I can assure you Italians enjoy to argue. Both side were loud and loved to good "discussion". Made no difference whether talking politics or playing cards after meals. But never angry. This was family who enjoyed being together.
I'm not sure how I came across the Torah concept of "Argument for the Sake of Heaven". Other than weddings, funerals , bar/bat mitzvahs, I've never attended a temple, nor read the Torah. The phrase relates to Jewish scholars who are attempting to understand the truth through disagreement, debates, or arguments. The ideas is that strong disagreement and debate offer a path to find the truth, provided it is done with proper intentions and respect. The foundation of this tradition is that different viewpoints and positions can coexist when the goal is knowledge rather than personal ego and agendas.
This is a religious concept, but it seems there are lessons for all of us, for civil society. We live in times where we can't have arguments or strong opinions. Some folks become defensive and take an argument as a personal attack. Some like to be right all the time. Some have fragile egos, and need to be validated rather than questioned. Add politics, our capacity to discuss and disagree is a zero-sum game. I win, you lose. On it's banner, the Washington Post states, "Democracy Dies in Darkness". In a knock off, Jon Stewart puts forth, "Democracy Dies in Discussion".
Fortunately, I have a several friends who both enjoy and do not take offense with "strong discussions". What is a "good" argument? Usually there is some truth and merit on both sides, and in the best situations, we both come away with a little more knowledge, as well as a willingness and ability to say, "I was wrong". The best part is that we all come back for more.
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